Declarative Language Handbook: Using a Thoughtful Language Style to Help Kids with Social Learning Challenges Feel Competent, Connected, and Understood

Product Information

Builds executive function skills such as inferencing and problem solving. Do you remember when you were a child, and it seemed like adults knew what to do all the time? Now that we are adults, isn’t that comical?? But seriously, because adults are constantly problem-solving in our own minds, children don’t realize how much effort it takes. When you start problem-solving out loud in front of your child, you bring them into your thought process. They may even surprise you with a solution from time to time! What does this look like in real life? You might say (out loud) while driving home, “Oops, this road is closed up ahead. Instead of sitting in this traffic, I’m going to turn around and try a different route. But since we are going to be late, I probably won’t have time to cook the dinner I was planning. Let’s make pancakes since that will be faster. I will call dad and ask him to start cooking.” You are showing your child how to solve problems, how to stay calm under pressure, and how to be flexible. This type of language also opens up the chance for them to problem solve on their own instead of you telling your child to specifically do something (e.g., "Put your shoes on!"). I personally find that the easiest way to get started with declarative language is to think of ways to start your comment off with words and phrases like let's, I noticed, I wonder, or I see. Then once you get the hang of it, you can move to other types of phrases.

Gives kids a chance to discover mistakes they make without shaming or blaming (e.g., "I don't think I heard the toilet flush." instead of "Flush the toilet.")

Optimising the environment

I'm writing this review from the perspective of an autistic, ADHD adult raising two neurodivergent children. My eldest (elementary-age) is ADHD and autistic with a PDA profile. Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I love your community and I’m just really grateful to be a part of it.

Carrying an object with a favoured scent (eg. candle, soap, pillow or spraying a sleeve or handkerchief) for those who become distressed by unfamiliar or unpleasant smellsJust like giant pandas, our children can thrive in the right environment – in place of firm boundaries and the use of rewards, consequences and praise, an approach based on negotiation, collaboration and flexibility tends to work better in PDA households. Top tips include:

Declarative language is a way of speaking. But co-regulation is a way of being so our words won’t matter as much if we can also just be present in that moment and meet our learner where they are. And it could be just in terms of their development, understanding where they are developmentally but also in each moment in time. Sanctions or consequences may feel unjust when behaviours are a question of “can’t” not “won’t”, and may appear controlling and arbitrary when not directly related to the behaviours in question (e.g. what connection is there between not being allowed on electronics and being mean to a friend?) – they tend to lead to confrontation and escalation. Natural consequences which flow from behaviours (e.g. a friend not wanting to play or not being able to watch TV if it got broken during a meltdown) enable lessons to be learned in a more realistic way. When everyone is calm, discussing ways to avoid difficult situations from arising in future is another way for natural consequences to unfold. Be inventive by linking activities to your child’s special interests or by using role play (e.g. your child could be the teacher for the day and teach her/his toys a social story or how to act in certain social situations) or by making a poster together that will tell other children how to behave.

Clean your room." ➡ "I see that your toys are all over the floor" or "Hmmm...I wonder where the dirty clothes should go." The concept of declarative language is simple, as you will learn below. Yet, I could instantly see how powerful it was going to be to use with my both of my boys, especially my hyperlexic son, if I implemented it more. Chunk questions or requests (space them out one at a time) rather than saying or asking many things in one go. Allow time for your child to answer your first question or respond to your first request before adding any follow-ups.