Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

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The unhealthy attachment– you keep getting drawn into a double-bind. “When things are good–they’re really good. When things are bad–they’re really bad. I’m tolerating the real bad for the real good.”

Start with small steps. If you start seeing your partner getting impatient and start accusing you, stop this person and simply say, “No. Stop. This will not work for me anymore. Instead of being aggressive, let’s talk.” Very impressive! This third edition of Stop Walking on Eggshells is a compendium of practical advice. Written in a friendly style, it’s like reading a letter from someone who really cares about you. New chapters, such as the chapter on BPD in children and teenagers, further enhance the book, discussing a previously ignored issue. I strongly recommend this five-star book.”Misunderstanding is common in every relationship, but how can you clear the issue if you can’t even justify yourself or the situation?

My heart stopped when I found this book on my now Ex boyfriend's bookshelf. He came home from work to find me reading it and the expression on his face was absolute shame and horror. It disappeared the next day when he left for work, but the damage was already done. Walking on eggshells in your relationship starts when you become afraid of your partner’s reaction to any given situation. From then on, you become leery of your words, actions, and even your own feelings just to avoid another outburst. If a friend was in my place and told me the story of this relationship, what advice would I give them? Suggest alternatives to self-harm such as squeezing ice, plunging his or her hands into very cold water, heavy exercise, biting into something strongly flavored (hot peppers or unpeeled lemon, lime, or grapefruit), or other activities that produce an intense sensation that is not harmful. However, realize that using these alternatives—or not—is up to the BP. Help the BP put together a support team so you don’t feel overburdened and exhausted. The first person should be the BP’s therapist, who can work with the BP to reduce self-harm.Either way, there’s no guessing or failed attempts at mind reading. We simply agree to give clear directions and to respect each other’s needs.

One of the signs you’re walking on eggshells is that you are deeply unhappy, despite seemingly being with the one you love. If you are not willing to give up on your partner yet, then the next step can be to encourage them to seek professional help. However, remember that it is not your obligation to fix them or help them get help. If you feel safe enough with your partner, only then, you can suggest that your partner seek help. If you feel like you’re in danger, then immediately connect with your nearest emergency number. 5. Connect With A Therapist (For Yourself) This takes a leap of faith – especially in the beginning. Radical honesty and transparency is not how most couples do relationship. People often say everything’s fine when in reality there’s some serious shit going on.Frankly, if I could slap the author I would happily do so. The presentation is insensitive and closed minded. If they wrote it because of personal experience, its obvious that they were bitter, and I'm certain that they failed to be anything other than bullying and judgmental. I hope that if the author did have someone with BPD in their life that the person escaped without losing it completely, and pray they later managed to find supportive and understanding friends. Fear of conflict or confrontation: If you’ve had negative experiences with conflict in the past, you may be more likely to try to avoid it at all costs. This can lead to walking on eggshells around people who have a history of reacting negatively to disagreement or criticism.

Boundary setting. I think where this book excelled was in how it explains that boundary setting isn't easy, but it makes things easier in the long run because they're about love for yourself, not anger or hate for the person who is pushing at them. There were a lot of great mental exercises and leading questions to help find where a real boundary existed, where something could be relaxed, and how to forgive yourself when you didn't succeed.Walking on eggshells became an annoying occurance in our relationship, so we created a set of Agreements for that too. Emotional abuse, even as mild as walking on eggshells, can make you fearful of your partner and their reaction, making you susceptible to anxiety, depression, and even loneliness. For a more thorough overview please read Seeking Myself's review, I agree with their critiques of the book completely. When am I currently the most content: when I am with this person, when I am alone, or when I am with others? Emphasize messages of love and acceptance for the person, while making it clear that you wish she would find another way of handling problems. One BP suggests saying, “I feel helpless and angry when you hurt yourself. I want to understand this, even though I don’t fully. But I know I don’t want you to do this anymore, and if you feel those urges again please talk to me or call your therapist.”